View from an UNchessable Parent Q&A 2 -- The support you can provide

As a parent who doesn't play chess myself, what's the best way to support my child if I notice they're interested in chess?

Firstly, it's important to recognise that a child without prior exposure to chess, despite any beginner's luck they may have, will likely start at a disadvantage compared to those who have family members to play with or attend schools with a strong chess tradition. She might be better than those who lack talent but work hard or those who have talent but don't work hard, but she won't be stronger than those who have both talent and work hard.

While they may occasionally win against professionally trained children, these victories are often due to chance. As I mentioned earlier, chess outcomes are often one-off events, which is why decisive matches between top players like Ding Liren and Nepo can extend to 14 classic chess games plus rapid chess. It's not very accurate to judge superiority based solely on a single win or loss. Sometimes winning against a tough opponent doesn't necessarily indicate superiority; it only means playing better in that particular game.

Therefore, it's important not to place excessively high expectations on your child's chess performance or exert too much pressure on them. Because you don't know at what age your child's opponent started playing chess or underwent what intensive training, comparing from different starting points is meaningless.

Over the five years I've accompanied Kobe to tournaments, I've witnessed many initially enthusiastic children lose interest in chess quickly because their parents overly emphasised winning and criticised them harshly after losses. This led the children to believe they were inferior to others and caused them to lose interest in chess. Many of these children who dropped out early didn't lack skill but perseverance and endurance.

Secondly, practice is key in any endeavour. Chess requires gameplay. As a parent who doesn't play chess, if time is limited, instead of investing time in learning chess to play with your child—which would be a challenge given how quickly you can pick up a new skill compared to a kid without a daytime job and chores—it's better to utilise tools effectively and focus on providing emotional support to your child. After Kobe learned some basic rules at DJCC, I discovered the ChessKid app to help her grasp the rules and practice playing. I will post the review of ChessKid from Kobe for your reference in the next post.

Lastly, I would like to emphasise that instead of focusing on the points, rankings, and medals obtained after investing time and effort, it is better to focus on how learning chess and participating in competitions cultivate the character and qualities of children, laying the foundation for good habits and a positive mindset for their future careers and lives.

This is because even for those "perfect" players we mentioned earlier—those with strong family support who are willing to invest time, effort, and money into competing from a young age, and who are diligent and talented—not everyone can claim the championship title or gain fame and fortune solely through playing chess. Not to mention those who lack such supportive conditions at home.

However, all efforts will not be in vain. Chess exercises the mind, enhances memory, and teaches children to plan and consider their opponent's potential moves, requiring good prediction skills and a broad perspective. These skills are essential transferable skills for future work and life.

Moreover, chess is a highly competitive sport that teaches individuals how to properly and dialectically view wins and losses and develop strong resilience against pressure and setbacks. As long as children learn these skills through playing chess, even if they have never won a championship, they are still the greatest beneficiaries of the sport, as they are competing with themselves, striving to become stronger individuals.

As long as you hold onto such beliefs, you won't be too concerned about whether your child achieves any ranking in learning chess or if it's worth continuing. Your child will also be able to maintain their enthusiasm for chess to the fullest extent possible, and over time, they might just surprise you. It's like the story of the tortoise and the hare, where the tortoise persevered without pause, ultimately triumphing over the hare, who wasted time on other things that are not related to personal progress.

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