View from an Unchessable Parent Q&A 4 -- Advantages of Being an Unchessable Parent
What are some aspects that an "unchessable" parent might find easier to navigate than a parent who plays chess?Firstly, due to differing levels of engagement in this activity between you and your child, you are more likely to approach chess from a distinct perspective. For instance, in my observations, chess enthusiasts often derive satisfaction from competitive victories. While you may not place as much emphasis on winning or losing, this enables you to offer alternative viewpoints to your child when they experience either overconfidence or deflation due to outcomes. You can help them avoid fixating too heavily on immediate results. Furthermore, you can more readily acknowledge the journey from initial ignorance to achieving a few victories, compared to their past selves. Consequently, you can better recognize these positive feedback loops, expressing gratitude for progress rather than succumbing to disappointment or resentment, even in the absence of awards.
Alternatively, you might also thrive on competitive challenges but in different domains. This perspective enables you to support your child from a broader, analogous standpoint both mentally and emotionally, rather than getting entangled in debates over specific outcomes or moves. Competitions themselves can be rigorous, and during such times, children require unwavering acceptance and emotional reinforcement from their parents. Instead of hastily critiquing her individual moves, it's generally challenging for someone well-versed in chess to refrain from analyzing her moves and prioritising the acceptance of her emotions first.
Secondly, unless chess-playing parents are professional chess coaches themselves, they typically realise as their child's chess skills develop that their own knowledge of chess is inadequate to facilitate their child's progress in the game. At this juncture, it becomes imperative to seek external chess instruction for the child. Each individual has their unique chess preferences and style, often leading to the predicament where the child is uncertain about whose guidance to follow. For a child with no one at home versed in chess, it's akin to a blank canvas, yet it's precisely on this canvas that they can paint the most beautiful pictures. Furthermore, even if the child is the offspring of a professional coach, they may not necessarily align fully with their parent's teaching style and chess approach.
Additionally, professional coaches or parents with some knowledge of chess often harbour higher expectations for their child's chess accomplishments. This includes the perception from others that they should excel even more than those without this familial background, thus imposing undue pressure on the child. This pressure may even prompt them to relinquish their involvement in chess prematurely, as they may feel incapable of impressing their parents regardless of their efforts.
Furthermore, chess-savvy parents are more inclined to adhere to conventional approaches and methods in chess training (the way they used and practised before), in contrast to parents who are novices in this realm and possess little knowledge about it. Conversely, parents unfamiliar with chess are more receptive to embracing novel methodologies or offering their fresh perspective to identify areas that require improvement, thereby fostering a healthier development of the sport and better promoting it among a wider audience.
So, this is why I mentioned earlier in the previous post that you don't necessarily have to teach an old dog new tricks just because your child enjoys playing chess. If you're keen on learning, that's fantastic, but if not, that's perfectly fine too. You can channel your efforts into providing emotional support to your child and adopting a broader perspective. This approach is not only more practical but also yields broader and long-lasting effects compared to solely offering technical assistance.
After all, there can only be one champion, and those who haven't clinched the championship haven't squandered their time and effort. The strategic planning, foresight, and resilience learned in chess are transferable to other aspects of life and career pursuits. Furthermore, even securing the championship doesn't signify the end of life's challenges. Winning a world championship doesn't guarantee smooth sailing thereafter, nor does it grant you the freedom to pursue your desires without hindrance. Even after achieving such a milestone, you must still step down from the podium, attend to your basic needs, learn to coexist with others and lead a fulfilling life as a human being.
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